Monday, December 5, 2011

Chelsea Handler's Big Mouth Pays Big in Hollywood - But Will It in Her Relationships?

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Chelsea Handler, 36, recently split from hotelier Andre Balazs. While on Piers Morgan Tonight she said, "I'm in a happy time in my life. I'm not on the prowl. I've never been on the prowl. I do like men, though."

She went on to say, "I like to be challenged. I like men who have something going on. I like men who are successful, who aren't very dependent on you. I like for them to bring something to the table that you haven't brought yourself. And I like them in small doses."

Chelsea's laundry-list description lets men know that she thinks about he personifies while simultaneously contradicting herself. She says that she isn't on the prowl. Yet, in the same breath, puts the world on notice that she has given careful thought about what she wants in a man.

Some will say, "who cares, it's not like she said that she is dying to marry." Yet, divulging her innermost thoughts isn't a good plan. The man she might want down the road can see through her words. He will smirk at how she "says" that she isn't looking, but really has a firm idea of what the ideal man resembles.

In other words, she isn't too busy to think about it. She really, really wants someone, dissecting it down to the nuances. This might make a future boyfriend take her for granted.

In The Rules for Online Dating, authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider say that women should not write a dating profile that details everything they want in a man. It's better to sound light and breezy. Mention your favorite movies, food, places to travel, and how you are out and about living life. In other words, play your cards close to the vest.

When I have been asked, "what are you looking for in a man?" my response is, "hmmm...not sure, haven't really thought about it." I would die before elaborating like Chelsea did. When he asks, "how is dating going?" I say "great!" I know him from nothing, so he gets nothing. I prefer building my rapport with him on something other than dating horror stories.

From one loud mouth to another, I respect Chelsea a ton. When it comes to dating, though, I'd rather keep him guessing about my next move than let him see into my soul. Men want mystery and excitement just as much as women do. Don't take it away from him.

Will Cameron Diaz Ever Learn How to Keep It in Her Pants? First A-Rod. Now P-Diddy.

Credit: Slaven Vlasic/Getty; D Dipasupil/FilmMagic
Us Weekly said that Cameron Diaz, 39, "booty calls" Sean "Diddy" Combs, 42, "her on-and-off hookup since 2008."

Surprise, surprise, proving my last post about her correct, she was super "hands on" with Sean. They were spotted on October 24th nuzzling and "had their hands all over each other," an eyewitness said. Two weeks later, at a Nov. 11 lunch at Scarpetta in Beverly Hills, they were "making out, acting romantic," says a source. (Reps for both stars say Diaz and Combs, are "just friends" and meeting to discuss a possible comedy film project.)

Give me a break -- they're making out at lunch for all to see. These reps will sell themselves out and say anything so long as they're being paid. I'm not disillusioned about this, just disappointed.

Fyi Cameron, Sean's still dating his model girlfriend of three years, Cassie, 25. Maybe you know her... she sang "Me & U" and "Long Way 2 Go." Says a friend, "Diddy's single whenever there's a better offer on the table!"

Augh, can Cameron keep it in her pants just once? We all know that Sean is not exactly a man who exercises the best scruples. But, it doesn't mean that Cameron needs to stoop to his level. She always needs to touch a man and be on a highly sexualized hunt that smacks of desperation. Yet, not once has it ever worked in her favor. If anything, she embarrasses herself and ends up dumped because her high-profile boyfriends "want to work on their career and the distance drove them apart." Men don't take her seriously because they don't have to work for her.

Cameron says that she doesn't care about marriage, but what woman doesn't at least want the right of refusal? Women want the chance to have a man take them seriously and see them as the long-term relationship. Maybe they don't feel the same way, which is fine, but to continuously enter into relationships where you have no hand makes a woman like Cameron seem like a glutton for punishment.

Finally, a woman might like to think that she can booty call a man. That's a lie. He might let her think that she's in control, patiently awaiting her desperate text while he is at a club with another woman sitting on his lap. Then he runs to her hotel room so long as she's local and it's convenient. He didn't have to work for it and it's cheaper than a call girl. I'm not being bitter, it's the reality of how a woman can be used if she lets herself be.

So help her, though, if there is another woman who he likes more. She will stare at her phone, all night long, primping and preening, applying her tenth application of lip gloss, desperately awaiting his response. She awakens the next morning to the sad, sad truth that he doesn't want her. Even when he didn't have to work for it. Now, who played themselves with the "booty call?"

All in all, hold out for a date. There is no such thing as the woman having the upper-hand when it comes to sex. As Rules authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider say, no woman ever gives up sex for free. She always wants something more, even if it's the right to dump the man afterward.

Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling - Part II (It Includes His Surprise Visit to Paris)

Credit: Splash News
In the history of my blog, there has only been one time that I recall a man who flew to pay a surprise visit to a woman. It was Dominic Cooper who traversed the ocean to see Amanda Seyfried. He met her on set to ensure that she never see another man besides him.

Now, Us Weekly reported that Eva Mendes, 37, received a surprise visit from Ryan Gosling, 31. They've been dating for about two months and he flew to see her as soon as she wrapped up filming in Paris.

The story also mentioned, "Eva was good about being focused and without many distractions on set. She was totally shocked. They were talking all the time so she had no hints that he was coming. She was really homesick and missed him even though she practically just left to shoot!"

In a previous blog about Eva and Ryan, I came down pretty hard on her because I thought she needed to cool it. Simply put, Eva was letting it be well-known just how much she liked Ryan. Hey - she was skipping with him at Disneyland! I was nervous that she was going to blow any mystery that she may have had going.

To Eva's credit, it sounds like staying focused on herself has worked in her favor. Ryan is booking a flight to see her the soonest he can. I still think, though, that she could be doing a bit less with him by way of talking all of the time. I hope she wasn't going on and on to him about how much she missed him.

Some might argue that what she has been doing thus far is working for her. Yet, how many times has a woman broke The Rules while dating a man and paid in the end when he walked? It might be good for Eva now, but the verdict is still out on whether Ryan can sustain his interest.

Lady Gaga Wants a Man with a Big D-ck and a Harvard Degree: Shock Value or Sincere?

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I am sure that I will be called a "hater" for this post, but can't let criticism deter me.

Us Weekly reported today that Lady Gaga, 25, told The Sun that what she wants from a man "ranges from a really big d-ck to a degree at Harvard."

Sigh. Really? Is this the form of recognition she wants after all of her hard work?

If she wants to shock...well...job well done. Not because I haven't heard worse. But, because I'm surprised that someone so talented resorts to such tawdry dialog with the press.

On the other hand, if she is sincere...well...let's just say we didn't need to know the gory details.

She then added that she wants someone with, "Talent and perseverance and pushing the boundaries of love and acceptance." I think that Shania Twain and she should collaborate on writing Hallmark cards. Men don't talk like this. Being so heart on her sleeve will not work in her favor. One of the world's most powerful women in entertainment sounds desperate.

Some will argue Lady Gaga isn't desperate. She can have many men. But, she isn't being Poker Face about landing a man who deeply respects her. Men don't hear statements like this out of a woman and still find her classy. Charting the top 10 won't matter a wit when it comes landing the man she must have.

The two year anniversary of my blog is in January. Thus far, I've only used The Rules as a reference to illustrate my thoughts. For readers still on the fence about the merits of The Rules, I think it will benefit them to hear a similar philosophy from a man's perspective. He proves that the woman who plays hard-to-get and maintains her mystery is considered a true seductress.

I would like to introduce Robert Greene's The Art of Seduction. He is the same infamous author of The 48 Laws of Power. Both books teach you that politics exist in life and love. To not play means you won't get ahead.

Robert Greene said, "it is much more effective to create love than lust. A person in love is more emotional. A person in lust is harder to control and, once satisfied, may easily leave you."

Lady Gaga might be great at creating lust. Yet, it's at the expense of finding a man who loves her. Especially when she sells out and talks about well-endowed men with Harvard degrees.

If you identify with Lady Gaga and want what she does, that's fine. Just keep it out of earshot from the man you must have. He'll think that you..

Eva Longoria - A Woman's Role Model to Moving On

Credit: Lolo/IPA/iPhoto; David Becker/WireImage.com
Many people scoff at how The Rules authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider recommend that women start dating as soon as possible after a break-up. They say it's fine to cry for a few days, but shake it off. Don't let it ruin your life. Case in point: Eva Longoria, 36.

Us Weekly recapped that about a year ago, Eva filed for divorce from San Antonio Spurs point guard Tony Parker after three years of marriage. She had discovered hundreds of inappropriate text messages between Tony and Erin Barry, then the wife of Parker's teammate Brent Barry.

Us reported that Eva told Spanish Vanity Fair, "It stands to reason that I should be angry and resentful. But I am not." One reason for the forgiving attitude? Eduardo Cruz. Eva first stepped out with the singer (and younger brother to actress Penelope Cruz) in February 2011, and they're still going strong today."I was very lucky to find Edu," she gushed, using her endearing nickname for him.

I won't go into detail about how Ellen and Sherrie say that it's a "no-no" for a celebrity woman to gush about her man to the press. I don't like this part of her interview so much. She could have said she wasn't bitter about Tony without mentioning "Edu."

However, I want to make a different point with this post that women must understand. Notice how Eva didn't go into seclusion and swear off men? She got out there and started dating. Kudos to her for beating Tony to the punch. Eva is dating someone new and obviously enjoying life. She has no time to wallow in bitterness. Even if it doesn't end up in marriage, she didn't sit around crying over Tony, endlessly lamenting "what should have been."

I read the comments that people leave on celebrity websites about women who move on quickly after a break-up or divorce. They sneer, "Wow, she doesn't waste any time moving on." Almost as if she should be walking around in a black lace veil in order for the court of public opinion to find her conduct proper.

I couldn't disagree more. First, were a man to cheat on me, I owe him nothing in terms of grieving the end of our relationship. Second, where is it written that a woman must grieve? Some will say, "she should grieve for a month, or three months, or six months, one year to play it safe." It is so arbitrary.

My stance is vastly different. Women should get happy as soon as possible after a break-up. If that happiness is with a man, so be it. Any moment of a woman's life that she gets back not being miserable over an ex is a blessing. She should never feel guilty for being happy. Ever. That's insanity. And no one should ever tell her otherwise.

"Scarlett Johansson Hates Blake Lively" -- How to Act When "Another Woman" Dates Your Ex

Credit: Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com; Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images for CHANNEL; Steve Granitz/WireImage.com



It's something many women endure. A break-up happens and she sees "him" with "another woman." Even if she wanted out of the relationship, sometimes it's hard for her to see him with anyone else. Maybe, he'd beg her to reconcile had this other minx not sunk her claws into him.

Celebrity women are no exception to this happenstance. Us Weekly reported that 27-year-old "Scarlett Johansson Hates Blake Lively." She "is fuming that her ex-husband, Ryan Reynolds, has moved on with Gossip Girl Blake, 24, - even though she ended their two-year marriage one year ago. Scarlett is pissed that he's not under her spell anymore, the source tells Us. She realized what a great catch Ryan was. Things are great [for Blake and Ryan]," says the source. "They haven't had a fight yet!"

Funny how this "source" knows what Scarlett is thinking and also knows that Blake and Ryan haven't fought. This well-informed person could be a double-agent. Or, maybe the story is just that...a story.

If I had to guess, though, I'd go with it at least being partially true. Scarlett's relationship with Sean Penn, 51, started with a bang and ended with a whimper. I blogged about how their romance wasn't Rules. Age difference aside, it maybe would've lasted had she not been so easily accessible.

Meanwhile, Ryan stayed off the radar, spent time with his friend Sandra Bullock, and is now with Blake. What Scarlett doesn't know is that Blake isn't being Rules with him either. But, Scarlett isn't thinking about that. All she sees is how peacefully Ryan is moving on with another blonde woman.

Scarlett still misses Ryan which is understandable. They only split because they were never together. Not because she didn't love him. Where Scarlett looks petty, though, is having ill-feeling towards Blake who's done nothing wrong. She hasn't bad-mouthed Scarlett to the press. Even with the report in Us, Blake's camp hasn't taken cheap shots at Scarlett. Blake takes the high road while Scarlett appears to slum it in the tabloids.

So, how should a woman act when "another woman" dates her ex? Everyone will tell her, "Communicate, be open with your feelings, let him know what's on your mind. Get closure, you'll regret it if you don't!" But, a woman never wins when she acts jealous of "another woman" who has the man she wants. You'd think that expressing herself would yield peace of mind, but, instead, it can make matters worse.

The truth is that speaking from her soul won't bring him back. In the worst case scenario, she seems unstable. Further, being angry with "another woman" is a waste of energy if there ever was one. If he wanted her, he'd be with her. If he doesn't, it isn't another woman's fault.

Scarlett needs to look within and focus on herself. Finally, this "source" should tell her that bitterness gets her nowhere. She can find a man who offers what she needs in her next relationship. Scarlett should be too busy to notice that Ryan is dating Blake, impossible as that might seem. She could do as Ellen and Sherrie advise which is to act "as if."